If you share my irritating condition of being a constant questioner and thinker, then you know as I do the burden of a lively mind that never shuts off. Mine is of an unusually effervescent nature, often unruly and wallpapered in every color of thought, hope, contradiction, dream and question, mostly surrounding my Christian faith and motherhood. I’m a dreamer and idealist moved by beauty, but I struggle deeply with the grit and pain of this world. I often wish I could turn off my brain. And I’ve tried. I’ve tried to stop questioning every little thing about faith, about life, about motherhood, and about every other topic I will never fully figure out. I’ve tried to better fit in the box, to be more “normal”, to stop being so serious and intense and petulant. But when I try to quell my mind, I end up living this kind of stagnant, half awake, passionless middle ground sort of inner (and outer) existence.
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist”
Writing provides some solace. It's a sort of healing balm to my soul—a catalyst to flourishing more authentically in my own head and embracing what feels like the “crazy” of who I am rather than hiding from it. It’s a sort of arrow channeling my diffuse, seemingly fragmented swirling of constant ideas and questions toward some semblance of organization, some kind of intentional, meaningful journey. It helps me be more present in my own head, grow deeper as a person, grow deeper in my faith, and do more than merely…exist.
Because what I desperately want is to live with eyes, mind and heart more AWAKE…to develop a more sensitive awareness and engagement with the good, beautiful and true.
Maybe there are a couple of other humans who live in this same cluttered mental space that I live in, and maybe we can feel less alone or “odd” by finding connection in this space. So with that…welcome to my raw, honest journey as a human being. It will be messy and gritty at times, but I hope to curate a space infused with the beauty of authenticity, transparency, and community.
I’m glad you’ve stopped by!
